Taking bullying by the horns

By Editor | October 25, 2017 |

A community presentation on bullying drew only about 30 people on Tuesday night. And two-thirds of those were Vandalia School District administrators and teachers.

The school district’s student discipline committee arranged for the presentation by Nancy Beem of the Community Resource Center as part of a district-wide attempt to address and prevent bullying in the local schools.
In her presentation, Beem covered four topics:
• Bullying vs. conflict
• Peer conflict resolution
• Proper reporting
• Resources/sources
On the first topic, Beem clarified the difference between bullying and conflict.
“Bullying behaviors are complex,” she said.
Those, Beem said, include “behavior that harms another either physically or emotionally,” when the “target is unable to stop the events and defend themselves.
“There is an imbalance of power, where the student bullying has more physical, emotional or social power than the bullied,” she said.
While bullying typically includes repetitive behaviors, a single event can be considered bullying if it is severe enough, she said.
On the other hand, Beem said, conflict is “disagreement or difference of opinion or interest between equal individuals.”
Emotions may run high in a conflict situation, she said, but “both parties have power to influence the situation.”
Beem pointed out that in some cases, a bullying situation is not limited to the person who is doing the bullying. It may also include students who encourage the behavior or give the bully an audience and reinforcement of that behavior.
There can also be students who remain removed from the situation, doing nothing to support either the bully or the person being bullied, or those who comfort or defend the student being bullied.
Talking to parents, Beem said that when a child says he or she is being bullied, the adult should “listen calmly and take the situation seriously.
“Let your student know that they have done the right thing, and that you are there to help them,” she said.
Parents also should establish and practice skills that will help the child to cope with the situation, and, if necessary, make school officials aware of the situation and plan parent/teacher mediation.
Contacting school officials, Beem said, “is not your be all, end all, but definitely make them aware (of the situation).”
Parents should not, she said, give some of the typical responses to a child who said he or she is being bullied, such as “it happens to everybody” or “other people have it worse than you.
“Tell them that they did the right thing by talking to you,” Beem said.
Beem also attempted to clarify for parents that teasing and bullying are two different things.
She said that when she was young, she was made fun of because of her height. “I was teased, I was not bullied.”
Using the example of a student causing problems in the lunch room, Beem said that teachers and administrators can give that student something to do during that period, something that “gives them an excited feeling about lunch.”
As for teaching appropriate behaviors, teachers and parents can have an impact on how they handle themselves.
“Teach by example,” she said.
And, when a child exhibits positive behaviors, “give positive feedback, reinforce those positive behaviors,” Beem said.
“But you have to be realistic – bullying behaviors don’t change overnight,” she said.
Beem listed six steps to handling conflict resolution: identify the source of the conflict by getting both sides of a story; look beyond the incident to find the real problem; explore possible solutions with both parties; come up with a solution that both parties agree upon; develop an agreement that both parties agree upon for future conflicts; and get a commitment from both parties for resolution.
On the issue of proper reporting, Beem clarified that there is a difference between reporting an incident and tattling or snitching.
“Snitching is telling on a person solely for getting that person in trouble,” Beem said. “Reporting is getting help when you are made aware of a potentially harmful or negative situation, solely for the purpose of ensuring everyone’s rights and safety.”
She also talked about the consequences of false reporting, explaining that in some instances, making false allegations against someone can be considered a criminal offense and “carry a hefty fine.”
Making false allegations, she said, can be considered slander or libel and be treated seriously as such.
As a reference for those who attended Tuesday’s presentation, and to assist those who did not, the school district has made Beem’s PowerPoint available on its website, http://www.vcs.fayette.k12.il.us/